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Dublin: 11 °C Tuesday 5 November, 2024

Mince pies are actually rotten and have no business being a Christmas dessert

No more, we say.

CHRISTMAS DINNER is one of the best meals of the year. Lovely turkey, gravy, stuffing… perfect. But you know where it all falls down? The desserts.

Christmas pudding and Christmas cake are horrible, but you can avoid them easily enough. The real villain is the mince pie. Mince pies are bad, and they should feel bad.

Before you ask, we know that they don’t contain actual mince meat

4194170317_82acc3cb09_b Facebook / beckayork Facebook / beckayork / beckayork

It’s absolutely mental that they call the mixture inside ‘mincemeat’ though. That shouldn’t be allowed.

But what they do contain is worse

Mince_Pie Wikimedia Wikimedia

Raisins and assorted brown goo, in a stodgy pastry casing? Yeah, good luck to you.

Like, what is this

Mincemeat_from_Flickr_user_Stuart_Caie Wikimedia Wikimedia

A big bowl of nope, is what it is.

Yet somehow, mince pies have become the Offical Christmas Treat

11434840655_c8b1902fed_k Flickr / radarsmum Flickr / radarsmum / radarsmum

Who approved this? We were never consulted on it. We demand a recount.

And we have had it with being offered something nice, then discovering it is a treacherous mince pie

Going_halfway_-_mince_pie_cut_in_half,_December_2009 Wikimedia Wikimedia

“Would you like some dessert? I have mince pies!” *flips table*

So ‘mince pies’, get in the bin where you belong

Mince_pies_-_covered_and_with_lattice_top,_December_2005 Wikimedia Wikimedia

In with the rest of the rubbish. You’ve ruled over Christmas desserts for far too long.

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Author
Valerie Loftus
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